Don't think of a pink elephant
The power of watching your language
You know this thought experiment. This probably isn't your first rodeo.
You almost certainly conjured up an image of a pink elephant immediately.
What just happened reveals something powerful about how our brains work. The words themselves triggered the image in your mind’s eye, regardless of the instruction to avoid it.
This cognitive mechanism can be both a blessing and a curse. A curse because we can get trapped by words and narratives, but a blessing because with a few simple reframes, we can shift narratives. We can focus our attention on what TO think about, instead of what NOT to think about.
The power of language framing
I've been working to apply this principle in my own life, particularly around self-limiting beliefs1. Consider this common example:
"I'm bad at remembering names."
Full stop. It’s an identity statement, and implies a sense of permanence. Henry Ford famously said, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right."
With the previous framing, you'll never improve your ability to remember names. But with a simple change, for example "I'm practicing remembering people's names, so bear with me while I improve my ability", you’ve loosened the mental knot you’ve tied around your identity, and opened up a path to a desired future.
These reframes can significantly alter our relationship with challenges. For example, saying "I have ADHD" focuses on the disorder. But I recently met someone who spoke about how he has VAST – "Variable Attention Span Trait" – a more positive reframing that highlights a trait that can be channeled productively, for example by helping him make creative connections others might miss.
Consider how different those examples of reframing feel. They’re not just word games. They create real breathing room between you and the challenges you face.
How our story can change our health
Now for one of my personal gripes. Please don't tell your children they're going to get sick from playing in the rain. If they start believing that, then of course they're going to get sick; there's no way around it. But there's no scientific evidence that says you will get sick from running in the rain2.
Dr. Ellen Langer speaks a lot about this – how language or situations impact the physical body. In her research, she demonstrates what she calls "Mind-Body Unity" – the principle that our physical bodies and mental states aren't merely connected, but are functionally unified systems.
In one of her remarkable experiments, Langer set up a lab with older men who were exposed to items and setups from their youth. They were instructed to behave and speak as if they were 20 years younger. They discussed books, music, and current events from that earlier time period, using present tense when talking about these topics.
Meanwhile, another group was set up in an environment more like an old age home.
They measured a number of health markers at the start and end of the experiment. The results?
The people who were in the youthful environment had shown significant improvements, without any medication or physical interventions. Their vision improved, hearing became sharper, grip strength increased, memory function enhanced, and they even looked visibly younger according to independent observers. (You can listen to the podcast yourself if this sounds unbelievable).
I sent this podcast to my parents, because I felt it was important for them to recognize the consequences of their language. They've started describing themselves as "too old" for certain activities, or emphasizing how frail their bodies are.
There are obviously realities to aging, but to anchor on those things only accelerates the decline. As Langer explains: "Most of the deterioration we experience is a function of our minds." When we constantly reinforce aging narratives through our language and beliefs (e.g. "I'm too old for this", "At my age, it's normal to forget things"), we create physical manifestations of these expectations.
Changing our narratives
So whilst there are material constraints at play in our lives, we must be careful to not create unnecessary ones. By shifting our narratives, we can expand what's possible in our lives, regardless of circumstances. If our language becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, we can intentionally create more empowering prophecies through mindful word choices.
The next time you catch yourself using limiting language, try a simple reframe.
Instead of "I can't", experiment with "I haven't yet."
Rather than "I am this (negative framing)", you can say "I'm becoming this (positive framing)".
My personal go to: instead of "I struggle with (insert challenge)", try "I have historically struggled with (insert challenge), but I'm moving towards this (positive interpretation)".
Our words matter more than we realize. They aren't just descriptions of our reality - they also serve as instructions for creating it.
Choose them wisely.
Obviously if you’re silly about it, you’re going to weaken your immune system and then you might get sick. But it’s not a done deal.
I like to say I have a collection of cognitive abilities that could be labeled as ADHD for convenience.